More than a month now

I'm no longer able to say the exact number of weeks that I've been back off the top of my head. The organism is adjusting to its environment once more. I noticed this in Santa Barbara, when I started whitening my teeth and rolling up my denim shorts. Now I am putting up my collar, carrying a leather bag, wearing a red beret to protect my ears from the cold, and complaining about the state of the Wellington music scene.

So far I have been through the stages of interest in my surroundings because everything seems new; alienation and disconnection because some things have changed, if subtly; and plain irritation at my own culture, because I know it so well, and it is mine, and I have the right to do that. I miss the States, often and suddenly, and I don't know why or what it is that I miss exactly. I find myself daydreaming about moving to Scotland, or getting wistful when I send parcels overseas at work. Greece, Japan, Kuwait, oh to be there, somewhere that isn't here, that I don't know so well.

But then other times I get this feeling of comfort that I haven't felt for a long time. It's what I longed for in those cities in Central America, just to know where things are and how to get them, the closest place to buy ice cream, the bus stop, the post office. And other times I get a feeling of homefulness, the kind of feeling induced by sitting next to a heater with a cup of tea and a crossword while rain comes down the windows.

Things that have struck me about New Zealand now that I am back. How small everything is, especially the roads. When I went to radio camp last weekend it just seemed so odd that State Highway 1 between Wellington and Auckland is only one lane each way. Also I have realised how reserved the people are, how little they hug or talk in public. But I am happy to be back to the food, to have healthy food actually be affordable and not to have additives in cream (oh, and no instructions on the side for how to whip it).

I have been at work for most of the past six weeks. I guess it has been good to have something to fall back into that is productive in some way but it has also tired me out, and I feel like I haven't had a chance to do a lot of the things I wanted to do before school started. And now it's here! So I will be super busy. I did move out of home, and though I will miss having money to spend, I think it was the right choice. I just wish I had more time to spend in my room with its wood floor and huge window, and the sloping backyard with an apple tree at the bottom.